I stepped out of my local fleapit in discussion with my fellow geek about what we had just seen. Ambivalence was rife and comparisons to (the perfectly acceptable) Fantastic Four 2 Rise of the Silver Surfer were made. In other words 'It's a shame it wasn't better but I wasn't horrified'.
But as I've come further away from the film I've come to realise several things about it that have not only soured my opinion further but actually made me angry that this film was made for the money supposedly spent on it, roughly 150 million dollars. That's fucking evil.
The story follows Hal Jordan an insecure test pilot who's given a magic ring to fight off space vomit. I know there's more to it than that but that right there is the nutshell, in this case a sweaty scrotum. If you need any more investment in the film have the orderlies tighten the straps on your special 'staying in' coat. The plot stumbles about making vague and loose connections that honestly make it feel like the writers were in a big huff with each other and tried to sabotage any poignancy or drama in the script. Take the supposed friendship hinted at between Hal, Carol (Lively) and Hector. It pops up for NO reason, nothing is made of it, it simply doesn't need to be there. Hector doesn't need a history with Lively for her to know he's a nerd with no chance of getting her to touch him in a special place thus making him jealous of Hal's 'Jock' position. One of many strange little points that made little sense.
The cast are utterly forgettable. I can remember Iron Man 1 had Jeff Bridges as the villain! I can't remember the actor that played Hector (the 'kind of' villain) and I've just seen Green Lantern. Hal has a female (played by the plain Blake Lively) that fauns over him but their relationship status at the end is nebulous at best. There's Hal's best friend who appears a few times and doesn't seem to have a name, he's nothing more than someone to put in a few scenes for a little more exposition. We also have a family with an adoring nephew who appear ONCE and are never mentioned or an influence on the film ever again. A slew of other disposable interchangeable people either die, or in the case of Amanda Waller (DC's joking answer to Nick Fury) simply exit stage left, never to be bothered with again. OH and Mark Strong as Sinestro, he makes it look like he's constantly waiting for a good line to say but has to console himself with the pay cheque.
What I think annoys me the most is that the script writers are all from TV stock and mostly at the Dawson's Creek end of the genre spectrum and weeping perverts on a barbed wire dildo, does it show! The waffleing scenes between Lively and Reynolds clearly play to their comfort zone of bland lines delivered with earnest deep into each others eyes. The scene in the bar close to the beginning of the movie began to bore me so much I honestly found looking for the dark chocolate bounty I had spirited away in my coat more enthralling. It cosseted the writers too long and contributed nothing to the story.
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| What it should have looked like... |
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| The truth. Have you seen the trailers? Well there are only roughly three to four minutes more of the exceptionable hideous and horrifically designed Oa where the Corps and their leaders The Guardians (also exceptionable hideous and poorly rendered) and it all takes place in the same three digital sets. No kidding, there's the afore mentioned cave floor, the Jedi (oops sorry!) Guardians tower and a bridge. We get one fly through Oa, centred on Hal Jordan, which because it's a confused mess never impresses. So just watch the trailers, less disappointing. |
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| The Movie Version, Oa mya Goda! |
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| The Comic Version, mad but defined. |
For something that was touted as a 'Space Opera' on par with Star Wars, Warner Brothers need to feel the shame of a man caught with his cock in a chicken by his wife. Honestly, apologists have been saying 'It's not that bad.', 'Mark Strong is really good.' Even I said that till I realised it made no sense and Mark Strong's only delivers monologues in a baffled manner.
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| If I wanted to watch a fucking sword fight I would have gone to see Pirates of The Caribbean 4 |
Is there anything good? Ryan Reynalds is doing his best with a script written by a committee and the one (literally ONE) big special effect scene that isn't in the promo' material where Green Lantern makes his Earth début has a good idea in it. The special effects to do with the costume are also passable. All that said though there's no cohesion to the story, it wombles around confused and skips some very obvious money shots or tension and it all has the kind of half hearted direction that wouldn't be forgiven on the SyFy channel.
But most of all is the sheer waste of the source material. Nothing and I mean NOTHING feels grand or epic. Oa is truly horrible and characters like Kilowog and Toma re are UTTERLY wasted. Hector Hammond is a little bit fun but never really a threat, Paralax is just a space poo that comes and goes and the set up for the sequel is squeezed out like the last drops of come from a cheap porn stars bellend and makes little sense to those who don't read the comic.
150 million. That's minus the marketing and apparently other costs this movie threw up and it's ALL wasted.
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| Maybe a Space Dragon ala the comic would have been more relatable than a space turd? |
Hey Warner Brothers, after Dark Knight Rises, stop making films. You've gone a bit shit.
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| Are we in a piece of shit? Yeah |
http://www.imdb.com/find?s=all&q=green+lantern
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